Thursday 05.07.2009

Shoot. I've had a rough day. In my head.

After a night of interrupted sleep I got up about 9:30 and had breakfast. Dan had left for an interview. I was eager to go to my appointment with Ike and get this fluid moved around, to get a little more comfortable in this uppper quadrant of mine.

On my way to the appointment, my phone rings. It's Ike, saying she didn't get the prescription, therefore she can't treat me. I'm like, blocks away from the building. She tells me to come in, that she can evaluate but not treat without a prescription. I took the remaining blocks to call the doctor's office again; it was lunch hour, so I left another message. The third one.

Ike was very kind, looked me over, and right away was concerned about an area over my sternum. Now, mind you, I've been (trying not to fuss) mentioning off and on about the discomforts this fluid collection presents. I do the exercises, not daily, but frequently, and other things to try to maintain my health. She commented on my neck being full, back below the scapula, and on the front over my sternum. Along with the other general fullness of the arm, shoulder, and breast.

She listened to me, asked questions, poked, and rubbed. And though she couldn't do a "treatment", she talked to me for about an hour, a lot of the time rubbing my arm or back or chest. What little bit she did physically was helpful.

We talked about lymphedema, and that I have a Stage I process, meaning that the fluid collects and with intervention goes back down. And that's the process. She said over and over that that's what I'm experiencing. That within the constraints of insurances and our treatment modality, with that kind of physiological response, she feels it's "normal", therefore not a reason for treatment. That being said, if, after the arm has blown up, I've done what I can do without resolution, THEN I can come in for a few treatments to get it resolved.

I was consciously breathing throughout her "lecture", trying to maintain some kind of composure. I verbalized to her, again, that I don't WANT to have a blow up, to have swelling that doesn't resolve, that I can tell when I'm full and need a second person to facilitate moving the fluid (Daniel is not the candidate), and that I feel better without all that fluid on board.

She acknowledged this, and restated that that's what Stage I Lymphedema is. Ok. I restated that I feel better with intervention by someone else. We each acknowledged the other's perspective. But she can't "perform" under insurance constraints.

So I asked: Could I have someone else help me with the maneuvers? After all, I have the printouts of all the different techniques and such that she has given me. Sure, she said. She just can't do it by definition of her practice.

She wants to talk with me again after I see Dr. Williams on the 2oth (he's taking over for Dr. Bolmer, who left practice to take care of her parents). Beyond that, to call when I am unable to get that fluid resolved on my own.

Ok, thanks.

Great.

So I left, extremely disappointed.

And still full and uncomfortable.

I've spent the rest of the day reaching inside myself, reaching to God, reassuring myself that all will be as it is intended to be.

And it will be ok.

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I checked email, had a sandwich. Dan had gone to his umpiring duties. I had some "homework" to do for the financial planner, so I distracted myself with that. That entailed time on the computer, and by 7:30 I was done and had a tired bottom, too.

I went out for a walk.

Birds, frogs. I wandered around the complex. The wonderful fragrance of blossoming trees and lilacs. I saw a hen turkey. I tried to creep up to see the frogs, but they are good at disappearing. I did see the long legs of one on it's way into the water.

Back at home I had a snack. Daniel came home. I wrote here.

I'm disappointed that I'm still uncomfortably full.

I'm hoping to find a couple people, at least one, who would be interested in helping me. The techniques are simple. I just can't reach around to my back...

Thank you for reading. Hugs.