Tuesday 4.8.2008

Day 21, Treatment #4

Well, here it is, a full 3 weeks past my fourth and last chemo treatment. I am very surprised, and a bit disappointed, that I am not feeling as good as the previous treatments. Yes, I am better. I will say this in a positive way. I walked just a little faster today, and maybe a little more of the fog lifted. I had some stomach discomfort and tried the new replacement prescription drug (for the Nexium) I think it's prevacid, and it worked some. Yes, I think I'm just a little bit better today.

We got up this morning and went to Dr. Sanchez' office so she can check that underarm tenderness/burning/soreness. The nice lady called us right back to the exam room (funny how I notice there are 3 framed artworks on her walls, a calendar, a poster of the digestive system on the inside of the door, and the exam table was navy blue...)

Dr Sanchez came right in, and approached me with her arms open. I stood up and hugged her. She shook Daniel's hand, and introduced us to a fellow with a Chinese/Japanese/Korean type name (no offense to any ethnicities...) and said he was a third year med student. I'm not sure what his English skills are, as he didn't really say anything, just smiled and nodded and shook our hands. Anyway, Dr asked where I was in treatment, looked at my face closely and said I looked good, that I look to have tolerated chemo well. (Hm, ok. Thank you God for letting me tolerate treatment well.) She asks me about my arm. I pull the sleeve off of my arm, and undo my bra. She says I don't have to do that. I tell her I want her to see the incisions, show her the staining from the dye that was injected under the aerola. She has me sit on the exam table, and elevates the head of the table so that I can lean back onto it. She raises my arm over my head, and I show her where it is hurting, and point out the cord running through the pit.

She sees it right away, and has a surprised expression on her face. She regains composure and puts on a professionial face, and says oh, yes, we see this. Not a lot, but this happens. She is now touching it, and pressing on it. It hurts and I tell her so. Yes, she says, and palpates (presses, touches) all the way down my inner upper arm. Man, does that hurt. Back up and into the armpit, through the pit down to the incision. It's still numb directly above the incision for maybe an inch or so, then it kind of tingles, then into the pit it just plain hurts to touch it. And she's putting pressure on it.

After what seems like several minutes of her doing this, I realize that my eyes are closed and I'm trying to not hold my breath, but to breathe through the pain. And I realize that there's fluid coming from both of my eyes. She continues to firmly but tenderly massage that entire stretch, and I finally open my eyes and tell her "that hurts". She says yes. She continues to massage my arm, now going down the arm to my hand, telling Daniel that this needs to be done 4 or 5 times a day. And put heat on it, too. I have a vision of me tucking my head under my arm when I'm having a hot flash, like a bird tucks it's head under their wing... She explains that it may be a nerve that's full, or a lymphatic channel. Either way, it needs massaged. And, she says, you see that it's already softened up from what we've just done. She touches it again. Hm. Ok. A little better. The cord doesn't feel quite so tight. See!? Just keep doing this and it will be ok. Ok, thanks.

I ask her about radiation, and how that will affect the wound beds. Yes, it will affect it some. The axillary one, not so much, but the breast one, yes. And remember, she said, your skin may end up darker on that breast, and will be more firm. It may soften up some, but that will take about a year or so. She went on to say that with breast conservation (lumpectomy) vs mastectomy, yes we save the breast, but may have to sacrifice some of the shape and appearance. And it will take a good year or even more after treatments have ended for all the changes to even take place. Ok, I say, like a good patient. For some reason, I'm feeling a little not-so-good about the whole another-year-for-healing bit. But I know that what she's saying is true. I restate to her, as I'm getting re-dressed, that my concern was that there was something going on in there that was going to be adversely affected by the radiation. She looked at the axillary incision again, and where that is in relation to the breast tissue, and thinks that it may be just on the edge, that some of it might get irradiated, some might not, but it should be ok either way. Ok, thanks for your time.

She small talks a little about church, and how she has gotten very involved in hers, and how much she is liking it. (When we had met her, she had told us that she had started going to a new church...) She wishes me well with the rest of the course of treatment, hugs me again, and shakes Dan's hand again. I tell Med Student good luck with his program--he turns and smiles and nods--and they leave the room.

I go over to the sink and wash my hands. I tell Dan I hope they wash their hands out there somewhere, after touching my pit like that. Hm.

All of the staff smile at us as we leave, and wish us well. They were all very pleasant today.

As Dan and I come home, we see that gasoline prices have jumped 25 cents/gallon. Daniel stops and fills up at Meijer, where the price hasn't changed yet. Plus we get the 5 cents off/gallon with their credit card. We get home, I take my car up and fill it, hoping to still pay the $3.23. I did.

When I got back home, I changed clothes and got my things ready to go to Jackson to work. I got to thinking about it--we had someone coming in in the early afternoon on the schedule. If someone was going to be on call........ I decided I'd better call, because it's my turn, and I didn't want to get there just to be sent home in a couple 3 hours or so. Good thing I called; I was told to stay home, and be "on call" starting at 1:00. Ok, thanks.

I took of my work clothes, put on something comfortable, had a bowl of cereal. Before you know it, I was really tired. So I went in and laid down. Sleep, I did.

That was really nice. When I woke up, I wandered out to the kitchen. Since I'm off work, I could cook. I had taken refrigerator inventory and come up with a couple of ideas.... ring, ring. I'm needed to come in to work. So much for that, We'll cook tomorrow.

I had a good workday afternoon. My co-workers are phenomenal. The hugs and genuine concern and well-wishes all make for a better experience from this not so fun time of my life.

I thank you, each and every one, for the energies you share with me, for taking the time to ask how we're doing, and for reading, calling, emailing, and commenting.

Hugs.