Thursday 4.24.2008 Radiation, Starting Now

Radiation Treatment #1

I woke up this morning, Daniel was not in the bed. The house was quiet. Hm. I got up and looked--he was in the large wing chair, with a big throw over him, leaned over, sleeping. Hmm? I watched him, he looked ok (I'm thinking, what did he do, have a stroke or something...), so I went back to bed, as it was only about 7 o'clock. Good timing, as the hot flash had passed and I was cool/cold again and snuggled into the covers. I slept until the next flash about 0800 and got up. I was getting myself ready for the day and Daniel came in. He said he had gotten up about 0630, was doing computer stuff, had gotten cold, and covered up, and gotten tired. Ok...

We left to go to the 10:50 radiation appointment, and arrived at 10:45. I recognised Vicky at the window, and she greeted us and sent us around and through the door into the radiation area waiting room. I went into the change room and put on the oversized patient gown. Even tied, they slide off my shoulder. I went and sat next to Daniel in the waiting room. There was a different jigsaw puzzle on the table, this one of river rocks/stones. I was kind of glad to see it, like it was familiar, and like Elaine was there waiting for me.

After about 10 minutes, I went up to the table and started picking at pieces. 30 minutes after arriving, I get called back. I went by myself, and Dan stayed in the waiting room.

Heather introduced herself, was very friendly. She led me around to the left side of the waiting room into a different room than we were in before. I mentioned that, and she said that the other room is where they do the "set up" and markings. This is the actual treatment room. Oh.

It seemed maybe a little smaller, but not much, and just as cold. Sheesh. Another person was there, he introduced himself as Ken, also very personable. Good, Thank you God for letting them be personable. He explains that they will be checking my positioning, and doing a CT scan, just for positioning, not anything of diagnostic quality. Ok, I said, Thanks. I do better when I know what's happening, so if you could just continue to explain what you're doing, that would be great. I got onto the table with my butt-bones against that crosswise piece, and they try to position the head "donut". She moves it a couple of times, asks me to move down some more. I'm right on that positioner-you're welcome to put your hand there and check for placement if you'd like. She passes on that, and repositions the donut-thing again. Between the three of us, we get my torso compressed and positioned where they wanted it. She has the handle thing that looks like a bicycle hand grip, and inserts it into a hole in the plate just above the head thing, and I raise my arms above my head and grasp it. Big Breath. Ken tells me I need to hold still. Hm. I am holding still. I'm anxious and need to breathe...

Heather goes behind the glass wall and turns on the laser lights. They are green, and she and he position the lights so the crosshairs are targeted on the tattoos that have been placed on each side of me. Ken is on my left side; he gets his light into position and says Excellent, Perfect! I like being excellent and perfect. Heather is on my right side; she lays her hand on my hip bone and says she's going to move me a little, but after adjusting her equipment on that side she says It's good over here too. Hm, that was easy. I breathe again. I lift my head to see what it looks like. Ken reminds me I need to hold still. I tell him I'm anxious, and I'm deep breathing so that I can hold still. And I want to see what it looks like.... Now there's a large disc that has the crosshairs in it hovering over top of my chest, lining up on the mark on my sternum. Good, Ken says. Now don't move. Ok, but I'm still going to breathe....

Heather goes into the room again, they get even more focused on what they're doing. He goes to each side of my body, and I don't know what he's looking at, because he told me to hold still, but he's calling out numbers to Heather in the other room. He looks at the disc over top of me and calls out another number. Now, he says, I'm going to take a digital picture of you so we can see how you're positioned. (Hm, could you straighten my gown a little better? I really don't know if my breast was exposed or not, because I couldn't lift my head to look....) The UFO disc moves away from my chest, and Ken explains that this arm coming along the table from the head and over my shoulder will get kind of close--it was maybe 18 inches or so away, and had a large flat plate-like area on the end. It stopped at an angle above my right breast, like it was looking at the left breast. Ken said they were both going to be in The Room now, but they can hear me and they can talk to me. Ok, thanks. And he tells me to hold still again. I am. I breathe again.

The laser lights somehow move over me and flicker, and the UFO disc hovers over my chest and flickers. There's humming and clicking, and I would really have liked it if Daniel had come with me, so that he could be in The Room with them and know what was going on. Then the disc moved away, the arm with the plate moved just a bit a couple of times, and whirred and clicked, and moved away. As it was moving away, the room lights came on, and Ken appeared.

"Ok", he said, "We're done." Oh? So you did the CT thing and I had a dose, too? "Yes," he says, "we're all set. We mapped your positioning and you had your first treatment." Oh. I wish I would have known when that was happening. I might have wiggled a little less. "Great" I said, thinking I didn't feel a thing. He offered his arm to assist me to sit up. Thanks.

Heather comes in and hands me an appointment card with a time written on it. "3:30, every day. That will be your time slot."

"I need to talk with you about this scheduling stuff. 3:30 isn't going to work every day." Heather and Ken look at each other, and Heather turns and leaves the room. Ken explains how they schedule patients for a time slot. I ask him if he would listen to what I need, and see if something is available for those times for Friday and Monday. After Monday, I have kept my calendar open, and I show him that I don't have anything scheduled for May; I just need Friday and Monday. And I explain about my work days, and working in Jackson. Ok, he says, go and get dressed and I'll look and see what there is. I offered to look at the computer with him, as we were walking by it, and Heather had the schedule page up. No, he says, I'll come out to the waiting room....Sheesh. Ok. At least he listened to my request. I asked him if I would get a "goody bag" with skin care products. He looked at me like I had two heads. You'll see the doctor and the nurse on Tuesdays, every Tuesday. The nurse will go over patient education Tuesday and review skin care with you then. (Hm, so after I've already had 4 treatments, then you'll tell me about skin care....I've read enough to know that a lot of treatment centers send you home with products and tell you to use them several times a day....) Ok.

I went out to the waiting room, into the change room, and dressed. I don't know if it was because I was so cold, or what, but that incision under the arm was purple. And the nipple was bright red. Hm.

I join Daniel in the waiting room and tell him that Ken is trying to accommodate me for tomorrow and Monday, and that they've plugged me in to the 3:30 slot. Dan shakes his head...

Ken comes out and hands me a new card. This is what we've got, he says. Friday, 0830, Monday 1010, then every day starting Tuesday at 0830. Ok. Better. I thank him, and tell him I appreciate that he took the time to help me. He says no problem, and if I ever need to change a day, just let them know at least a day ahead of time.... (Huh?) Great, thanks, Ken. See you tomorrow. Dan and I look at each other like Where did that come from? and Why couldn't they have done that in the first place instead of being so stuck on their schedules.....?????

We leave, out into the beautiful spring sunshine. I'm nauseated. I don't know if it's nerves or radiation. I breathe.

When we get home, I write the appointment times in my planner, and realize I have a meeting in Jackson at 1:30. I have 45 minutes before I need to leave. I'm ignoring the nausea, and have a bite to eat, snab a bottle of water, kiss Daniel goodbye, thank him for going with me today, and head out.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon I've had little pokes of nausea, that I've tried to ignore. And my breast feels picky inside the wound bed, and the nipple, too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so tuned in to myself.

When I got home, I was kind of restless. I checked the email--thank you all for your words of support and encouragement--and had a couple of phone calls, too. You are all so important to my treatment/recovery process. I decided I would go out for a walk. I ended up putting on the sports bras (yes, I wear two of them, one didn't support the sore breast enough) and going ouside. I went out into the neighborhood instead of here in the complex. I walked pretty good, as long as I don't look down at my feet, or turn my head fast, and then I started jogging. I ended up going about a third of the way around, walking a third, then jogging the rest of the way. Now, mind you, I'm not going fast, nor do I have a long stride. And if I didn't feel I could do it, I would walk. And I did. I was still ignoring the intermittent nausea.

I got back in, Daniel was back from umpiring. I drank some more water, had some saltine crackers, and showered. My breast really is warm and pink over the incision/nipple/wound bed, and the nipple is a little tender and tingly. And my fingers on the left hand have been tingling all day, too. I don't know if the radiation is aimed at the area under the arm or not. I'll try to ask tomorrow.

Thank you for reading, for commenting, for your emails and phone calls. They DO make a difference. Hugs.