Tuesday 05.25.2010

During the night, Dan's breathing was kind of "gurgly", and he'd cough a little to clear it and go back to sleep. It was disconcerting to me, and I encouraged him to get up and cough for a few minutes to clear it out. He didn't, and I was having a hard time sleeping, listening to him. Sometime around 3 he got up and went out to "his" chair in the living room. I stretched out and went to sleep.

The alarm came on--I called the Unit to see if I was needed. Nope, go back to sleep. Woo Hoo!! And I had almost dozed off 20 minutes later when the phone rang. Sorry, going to need you. Ok, no problem...

I got up and hurriedly got myself ready. Dan came back to bed. I encouraged him to make an appointment with the doctor, as sick as he is, and I don't know if there is any concern with the stents he has...

A lovely drive down, thank you God. The shuttle took us over.

We had a good day with a good group, and it was obvious that we would be staffing down as the day went on. I offered to go first, so I could do some errands before heading up north.

Dan sent me a message that he had a doctor appointment at 3:30. Good.

I also got a call from Mid Michigan Physicians radiology department, where my oncologist, Dr. Williams, is. Seems doctor wants me to have a bone scan and CT scan of the abdomen and pelvis. I called the scheduling person, Carrie, back when I had a few minutes. It ended up being a 20 minute call, to two different departments. The first one, nuclear med, for the bone scan. June 22, at noon. I'll have an IV needle put in, and a radioisotope injection, then come back 4 hours later for the bone scan itself. Ok, thanks. She transferred me to CT department, where Cheryl told me that when I come for the bone scan, to ask for my "drinks". I'm to drink one at 1:30 and 2:30, and the CT scan will be done at 3:30. I verified that I would be done in time for the bone scan, and she said yes. I also questioned why I was being scheduled to have these scans done there instead of at the hospital, where I had had them before. She was very patient with me, and after hearing that I had started at the Breast Care Center, she explained that Dr. Williams will be following them now, and he will have access to everything with a "click of the computer". "Ok," I told her, and thanked her for taking the time to help me understand that.

After ending the conversation, I felt a bit "zombied". Wow. More scans. I knew that my 2 year post treatment date is approaching, and I do remember now that doctor had mentioned scanning again, but.... It seems that no matter what I do, or how I'm feeling, trying to be "normal", the cancer thing comes to the forefront again. I was surprised at how I was feeling--unsettled, a little icky, and...really? a little nauseated?? I did my best to breathe and settle down, and my wonderful co-workers saw I was off the phone and came into the break room. I must have had a look on my face, as they asked if I was ok. I did my best to re-group myself; told them about the appointments and scans, and how I was feeling a bit unsettled. We chatted a bit; yes, it's the routine follow up schedule, and no, I shouldn't have anything to worry about. I really wanted to talk to Dan, but he's too sick. I took another breath and pretended to be a big girl. Ok, Lord, I can do this. I went out in the hall, checked my worksheet, looked to see if anything needed to be done. Nope.

Another of the girls was in the breakroom, and asked if I was ok. As I was telling her, and trying to "get in touch" with myself, she asked if I wanted a hug. Wow. Thanks. YES--I needed that. And I was surprised that my eyes wanted to leak. This whole thing came with emotions that I wasn't expecting.

And then she said, "It's ok, it's just an Affirmation Appointment". Whoa! That's really good!! That's just how I'm going to think of it. Affirming that there is no more cancer. Thank you, MH. God put you just where I needed you. And thank you God for MH.

I turned around and started feeling better after that.

My patients were low acuity and didn't need much; I went next door to the overflow unit so they could have lunch, and after that, I was able to leave. I clocked out about 2:30.

I did the errands in Jackson that I wanted to do, and stopped at Meijer on the way home for food and fuel. Then to CVS for my script. Just as I was getting out of the car, Daniel finally called.

He's really sick--x ray shows pneumonia. You know he doesn't like stuff written about him, so I'll say that he's got a Z-pack and an inhaler. He was glad he went to the doctor.

I started packing for me to go to the lake, and he came in not too much later. He suggested I go tonight, and he'll come tomorrow, if he's better. I agreed--just going to the doctor wore him out.

I reviewed his meds with him and instructed him on the inhaler. I also got him something to eat, since he hadn't eaten all day. He putzed around a little, but not much.

I laid down for a brief nap, and when I got up, I put the cooler together, and Dan helped carry stuff down. I didn't want him to, but he did anyway.

I had a safe drive up, thank you God, leaving just before 8, and arriving at 10:40. Mid 60's, quiet. Well, other than bullfrogs and loon calls and whatever that animal was that screeched a couple of times and scared the snot out of me. And ducks and insects and something that splashed really loud up close here by the bank.

Tomorrow I'll move the few remaining items from the back half of the house, so that the carpet can come in on Thursday. Woo Hoo!!

Thank you for reading. Hugs.