11/18/2007

The second day at work since The Diagnosis, and the last until after surgery. The girls look at me, subdued, and we try to be "normal". We smile, hug, routine chatter. I told the few "new" people I saw and shared stories--today's stories were of positive treatment and survival. The workday itself was ok, good patients, good staff, good pace.

In the long of the afternoon, I had a pretty good coughing spell (I've been fighting a cold), had a bit of nausea, and recognized that I was pretty uptight about the scans I'll be having tomorrow. I start drinking contrast at 0540, the second bottle at 0640, and the CT of the abdomen is scheduled for 0745. After the scan is completed, I'm scheduled to have an injection of something at 0815, and take 0.5 mg of Ativan before having a MRI of the breasts at 1000. The Bone Scan follows at 1200. After that I hope I'll be able to glow my way home with Daniel.

I told myself I'd have to settle down, breathe, and not get caught up and "go there", just settle down, I'll be ok. I was doing pretty good. Then my wonderful coworkers brought in a Parting Gift--a pink bag full of pink grooming/self care items. Freesia Rose shower gel, lotion, and body butter, a pair of soft pink print pj's, pink socks, pink hairband, you get the picture. A pink breast cancer ribbon on a lot of the items. O my gosh--somehow the gift made it "real". OK, I can breathe now. I can feel the love, and support, and the kindness that the gifts bring. I know when I smell that smell I'll remember the gentleness in your eyes and promises of support. Again, thank you so much.

At the nursing home, mom was quiet, looked comfortable. Frank came over, I think just to be with me, and we talked a little about the tests and the surgery. I got mom washed up and into bed, and Frank and I left. Big hugs to Frank. Big hugs to me.

Home, and more hugs with my wonderful husband, Daniel. What a gift he is.

Simple chores, and to bed. Contrast is waiting for me just a few 6 hours away...