Monday 3.17.2008 Elaine's Funeral

Day 20, Treatment #3

Well, we did it. What a lovely funeral. So many people--family, friends--Elaine was well loved and respected.

.

I wanted to put a photo here, but couldn't select one. I just don't know what she would think about all that...

.

Our day started about 0630 after another night of hot and cold and interrupted sleep. I got ready for the day, breakfasted, and it was time to go. We got over to MSU campus and picked up my nephew Michael, then headed on over to Flushing. We made good time and arrived at St. Roberts Church at 0900. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot, but none familiar. We decided that they were cars from people attending morning Mass. Sure enough, about ten after, they started filing out. Jim and Polly arrived shortly after we did, and wondered the same thing. Mom and her ride hadn't arrived yet.

.

Polly and I went in the building. We met a few of the "church ladies" who were starting to get the luncheon set up, and we went on to use the facilities. (I'm trying to drink, to get ready for chemo on Wednesday, and you know that has to come out...) Sure enough, other folks began arriving, and Mom did, too. The funeral home people brought her into the entryway/vestibule of the church, and placed her flowers, photograph, memory book, and kneeler around her.

.

The vestibule filled with people, greeting, hugging, and some tears, too.

Soon it was 10:30, and time to start. Dan, the Funeral Director, asked all non-family members to please go into the church and be seated. The pall bearers were summoned and surrounded Mom's casket, which was still on the wheeled cart thing. The priest, Father Roy, led the way, with the alter attendant carrying the crucifix, and the pall bearers laying their hands on Mom's white casket and escorting her down the aisle. The rest of the family followed Mom down the aisle, and I got the sense that she was very holy and blessed and going to meet her Lord.

.

When we got to the front of the church, we stopped and took our places in the pews. My Daniel to the right of me on the far end of the pew, myself, Kathy Sue, Tom, Catherine, and David on the inside end of the pew. Behind David was Bruce, then Jim, then Polly. I don't know if there was anyone else next to her...

.

Father Roy asked for Elaine's children and Elaine's siblings to come to the casket and place the Funeral Pall. It is an off-white cloth that is embroidered with I think a cross and some other things. Maybe Father Roy placed it on the casket, and when the 5 of us, and Lois, Donna, and Carl had taken our places, we unfolded it and covered her casket with it. Quite somber. Like putting on a holy dress or blanket.

Father proceeded with the Mass. It is A. Lois' home church, where she is a choir member, and the choir honored her, as well as Elaine and the rest of us, by participating in the Mass. It was absolutely beautiful. I turned around at one point to look up into the choir loft, to see the folks singing--holding their music up, with the silvery organ pipes behind them going up the wall. The acoustics were wonderful, too.

.

The rest of the Mass was just as good, and the Catholics end with the Priest walking around the casket with burning incense in a holder at the end of a chain; as he swings it back and forward, over and under the casket, the rising smoke is to symbolize the soul going to heaven. Whoa. That was awesome, emotional, and very moving. The incense part is what always gets me. I was crying, and had a huge smile, too, as I knew Mom's belief was that she was going to God. You go, Elaine. You made it.

.

The pall bearers reassembled around her, and we all escorted her back down the aisle to the outer door, where Director Dan directed the pall bearers on how to carry the casket out to the hearse.

.

They did a good job and got Mom loaded into her carriage, and soon we were off to the cemetery. I don't know how long the procession was, maybe 40 cars or so. A lot of us rode together. I know that it seemed like there were a lot of people at the gravesite.

'

Father Roy said the final blessing, we prayed The Lord's Prayer again, and Director Dan said we were done, and invited everyone back to the church for a luncheon.

.

Nobody left.

.

We all stood there, with the cold wind blowing, just looking at the casket. Bruce spoke up, and asked the cemetery guy to please lower the casket. The guy repeated "lower the casket?" and we said "yes, please lower the casket". So cemetery guy got the crank thing and lowered the casket. After it was down to the bottom, he took the crank out and stepped away.

.

I don't know who started, but someone tossed in a flower they had pulled from one of the floral arrangements. One of my brothers, I think. The other brothers and wives put their flowers in, one by one. A. Lois and A. Donna approached and did the same, as did A. Etta Mary and U. Wayne. The grandchildren had kind of migrated into a clump, and single file, they each walked by and tossed their flowers in, too. Wow.

.

When everyone had sent their flowers with Mom, we were finally done. We moseyed back to our vehicles and went back to the church for the luncheon.

.

The church ladies had done a nice job, we had a bite to eat, visited, and took pictures. We laughed, cried a little more, and eventually sent each other on our way, back to our lives, each with a piece of Elaine in our hearts.

.

Rest easy, my dear Mother. With grace and courage you lived out your disease process.

.

Dan and Frank and I stopped by the funeral home to pick up a couple of floral arrangements, took those over to A. Lois' house, and went our way home.

.

We vegged and visited, changed clothes, etc. Frank left after a couple of hours, and Dan and I have been catching up on our emails. I wrote here, and now we're off to bed soon.

'

Thank you for your cards and love notes, emails, hugs, smiles. Each of you have filled my heart and colored my world. Hugs.