Today was my first day back to work since 11/18. I was anxious. I didn't sleep well, or a lot, and got up about ten minutes earlier so I could not feel so rushed, and I didn't know what the weather was going to be like (ice was predicted), and I also knew the parking lots might be changed. As it was, I left home about 10 minutes early and started out with good roads. Then, about south of Leslie, the roads felt a little "greasy," there was a pick up truck backwards off the road in the drainage ditch, and everyone slowed down to about 50 mph. The roads seemed to improve north of Jackson, and I got into town ok. I checked my time--I was still doing ok. The next thing is where to park.....
The new lots west of the hospital were not completed, and as I went on, I could see there were cars in F Lot, where I generally park. So I went in and parked. I didn't see a shuttle coming anywhere near this area, so I pulled my hat on and went across the street.
Into the building, I found I was anxious, and what was the combination to my lock....?? Don't be silly, you've had that lock forever, don't even think about the numbers, it will open. I get up to the floor, turn the corner, and there are the night shift staff. Smiles, hugs, open arms. Wow. I clocked in. We chatted for a few minutes, and I went back to the change room. There's that lock. This way, that way, this way. It didn't open. I laughed at myself. Again, it didn't open. Ok. Slow down, do it again. There. See? No big deal. A couple of other staff members trickled in; hugs, tears. Our fears leak through our vulnerability. We are, each of us, afraid of the unknown, the roulette of disease. Hoping for the best, praying for strength, courage, and the ability to live our best lives for ourselves, for each other.
I went back out to the unit, and greeted, hugged, held you with our first meetings throughout the day. How empowering, the energies we share among us.
My workday itself was busy in the morning right up until noon, when I was finally able to feel "caught up" somewhat and have a bite for lunch. Then back at it. I did pretty good--a couple of tylenol in the morning, and a couple more in the afternoon. That breast feels so full and heavy, it's tender on the inside. I left the ace wrap on today, with the layer over the breast to help with the compression. I'm sure that it helped, for support and for whatever else it's doing with the fluid. There doesn't seem to be an actual collection bulge anywhere, and I strongly wonder "where is that fluid"?
When I got over to the care home, mom wasn't in her room. Oh? Hm. I finally found her in one of the shower rooms, getting bathed, as that's the best way to clean up massive amounts of stool from her mid-back to her knees, including her shoes. The aide, Amanda B., was doing a wonderful job with her and mom wasn't even fussing. They were just about done--I just helped get her bottoms on and transferred mom into the chair then into the bed. She was quiet and tucked in, and I sat with her for about 20 minutes before leaving. Thank you, all you aides, for taking such good care of Elaine, and all the residents.
I'm a bit fatigued this evening, and it feels good just to sit and support my arm on the arm of the sofa to rest it. Tomorrow I am scheduled to work again, so I must get myself tucked in. 0410 comes early.